I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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