last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Girls should come with a carfax report
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
