I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The power of my boobs compel you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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