K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize