If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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