Where is the hickey?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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