Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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