I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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