College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
