I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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