Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
