just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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