She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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