i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
