I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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