Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
