Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
