I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
