So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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