garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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