nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
