i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
