just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
