It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
