you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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