Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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