We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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