I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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