Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who died my cat blue again?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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