that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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