The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
