I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
