Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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