i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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