As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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