If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
