nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
