Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
