i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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