This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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