i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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