Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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