Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
