I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
