you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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