sarcasm needs its own font
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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