I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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