So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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