She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
