i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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