That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
