drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
