Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
