It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
