I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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