I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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