If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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