Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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