i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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