considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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