Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
