alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
