I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
