He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
