if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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